Heartmind Connection - Life Coaching, Dating and Relationship Consulting

Heartmind Connection Chronicles

September 2006

This month's feature article:

Are You Truly Ready for Marriage?

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine? I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com

For my frustrated friends out there still trying to find “the one”……

Quote of the month: Of all the things you wear, your expression is most important .


-- Janet Lane

New! Join the 4 month Fall Motivated to Marry™ Tele-Coaching Group starting 9/20 at 9 pm EST. Limited spaces are available. Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you. Sign up n.ow and save! Perfect for both s.ingles who have n.ever married and for divorced individuals desiring a lasting long-term relationship. Go to www.heartmindconnection.com for more information or email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com. For early bird savings, sign up by September 15th and save $50 on the tele-coaching group!

Now Available! The Motivated to Marry™ Method Book Jammed packed with tons of my Motivated to Marry™ wisdoms Reserve your copy now at the insider’s price of $18.95, regularly $24.95 (25% off the listed price) Shipping and Maryland tax is additional. Email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com for details

The next Free Motivated to Marry™ Tele-gathering will be September 18th.

This month’s call will focus on where are the best places to meet people to date? How do you choose where to go and how to spend your time and money? Come explore all the different places you can go to meet people to date. We will discuss the pros and cons of each venue. Perhaps you will come away with some new ideas to try.

To join a tele-gathering all you have to do is call in to the bridge line provided, add your two cents to our monthly topic, or just listen. Bring your questions, issues and concerns about dating and relationships- Talk with Amy Schoen, Professional Personal Life Coach and Dating and Relationship Expert.

Tele-gatherings take place on the third Monday of the month at 8 p.m. EST– The following one will be on October 16th. Come explore with us!

Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com under tele-gatherings for the particular month. (Note: you need to sign up each month for the tele-gathering. The phone number may change from month to month and handouts may be emailed to participants.)

Don’t miss Amy speaking at the following events in the DC area:

Wednesday, September 13th at 7:00 p.m.
5 Simple Steps to Creating Your Most Fulfilling Life
Greater Washington Jewish Community Center
Rockville, MD
Contact: Selma Sweetbaum, 301-348-3860
$10 M/$12 NM

Wednesday, September 19th
Dating Like a Pro!
Learning Escapes
Vienna, VA
Contact: www.learningescapes.com

Tuesday, September 26th at 6:30 pm
Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method”
First Class
Dupont Circle, Washington, DC
Contact: 202-797-5102

Do you need a speaker for an event or meeting? See my current list of speech topics on www.heartmindconnection.com. New topics are always being added. For more information contact Amy at 240-498-7803 or coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Amy’s Note:

Have you been doing the same thing expecting different results? Are you waiting for Mr or Ms. Wonderful to land in your lap? N.ow is the time to re-evaluate what you have been doing and what is not working for you. Perhaps you have to try new places to meet people or jump into internet dating fearlessly. Perhaps a newer, more positive perspective on dating will help you attract better quality of people to you. I hired a Feng Shui consultant to move the energy around my house- and I met my husband at the same time! It may mean having an image make-over or being determined to l.ose the w.eight you need to in order to feel better about yourself. Whatever you decide to try- it may be time to shake the box!

Coach Amy Q & A:

Dear Coach Amy,

I am a divorced 60 years old woman desiring to meet someone for a serious long-term relationship. I have tried online dating and am out socially every week. I have met some people online, but no one I would like to date. When I am out socially, I do not see anyone that I would like to date. Please tell me what I am doing wrong. Am I totally undateable?

--Frustrated in Frederick

Dear Frustrated,

It certainly seems like you are out there trying to meet men to date. I’m not sure on what basis you are evaluating the men that you are meeting. Are you giving them a op.portunity to get to know you or are you quickly determining them unsuitable for you and leaving them in the dust? The ones that are interested in you, are you giving them a fair chance? Perhaps the men find you unapproachable and feel you are not interested in them. So they move on to friendlier pastures.

What values are you looking for in a romantic partner? I suggest for my clients to go to places and participate in activities where you share common values. For instance, if you believe strongly in community service then look at activities where other s.ingles would also participate in community service. If you are a spiritual person, then put yourself where you are going to meet other spiritual people. Also, in your internet profile, do include your core values so you can attract men that share these values.

Next, are you connecting with people at the social events? Are you being asked out? If you are, are you turning down nice people that aren’t your vision of Mr. Perfect? Even if the guy does not fit the picture of what you would like, if he has some of the qualities you are looking for, allow yourself the chance to get to know him. You may be pleasantly surprised.

About not finding people you are interested in dating, try new groups that you have not yet tried. Perhaps your social groups are too inbred where everyone knows each other and there are no new faces. Look on my resource page on my website for ideas of new groups and sites to investigate. Make sure the groups are for your age group. Also, regarding the internet, I’m not sure if you are to searching outside of your local area to meet the right person. If you are not, I suggest you open up your geographic search.

Last your attitude carries a lot of w.eight in dating. If you believe you are date-worthy and a pleasure to be with, you will attract wonderful men to you. People sense a negative attitude. Come from the perspective of abundance where you believe there are terrific men to date instead of your current perspective of scarcity. Then, you will open up a whole new world to you. Don’t give up – he’s out there waiting for you!

Please email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com with any dating and relationship q.uestions you would like advice on. Of course, I will keep your name confidential. If you have q.uestions, others surely have the same questions too!

Feature Article:

Are You Truly Ready for Marriage?

When you think of the word marriage, what thoughts do you conjure up? What feelings come over you?

For those of you who think you want to get married, do you have a realistic picture of what it is all about? Do you see yourself in wedded bliss where you wake up together, have a romantic day at the beach, laugh together and enjoy a sunset dinner and a midnight walk along the water? That is possible. But do you also see yourself arguing about who does the dishes that are piled up in the sink, about the unaccounted for expenses or about wanting to be left alone after a stressful day at the office? These scenes can be part of marriage too! Are you prepared for the ups and downs that marriage offers?

Before you can truly determine if you are ready for marriage take a step back and answer these q.uestions first:

  1. What are your reasons for wanting to get married?

There are many reasons for wanting to find a marriage partner: companionship of a spouse and wanting a family (a spouse and children) are the top two reasons from my research. One of my girlfriends was divorced, forty years old with a young child. All her friends were married and she was the only single parent in her social group. Fortunately, she did end up marrying – she met her second husband on the internet!

  1. What would marriage give you that you don’t already have? What would you be giving up?

You can list your pros and cons of marriage. The major issues that come up are about the loss of freedom in marriage. You have to account for the other person in all your decisions. There seems to be more family obligations when you are married. This can take up a lot of your time. Being single can take a lot of time too -- one of my clients desires to find a wife so he can focus more of his energies on his business. He figures he spends at least sixteen hours a week searching for “the one”.

On the other hand, wanting a spouse to support you through life’s ups and downs is a big motivation for marriage. Also, having a steady companion for meals and leisure time seems to be high on the list “for” marriage. It is up to you to weigh the pros and the cons and to figure out if the scales tip towards or away from marriage.

  1. How do you view marriage? What’s your opinion of marriage?

Do you have positive thoughts about marriage? Or do you have a negative view of marriage? My friend Jessie --early forties, single and never married—has parents that are divorced. She claims that she knows very few happy marriages. The view that, ”most marriages end in divorce” surely impacts her readiness for marriage. One of my ex- boyfriends once referred to me as “his ball and chain” to one of his friends. He has n.ever married and is in now his late 40’s. Don’t you think this perspective on marriage may have prevented him from taking marriage seriously?

  1. How much of your time would you be willing to devote to a life partner? What are your top priorities in your life?

List your top priorities in life. If finding a marriage partner or making the most of your current relationship is one of the top two- then you are probably ready for marriage. Another client had a good job that was relatively stable and a good social life of friends. The only thing missing in his life was a marriage partner. He really wanted to settle down and have a family. He was tired of running around to s.ingles events. This became his top priority in his life. He did end up meeting his wife at a dinner at a local synagogue.

Article continued below:

Learn how to improve your dating skills and relationships with Coach Amy

I have discovered the best way to know what you need and want in a relationship and life overall is through personal life coaching (I have my own life coach too!). Learn how to attract the right person to you or become clear on whether your current relationship is the right one for you.

Call me for an exploratory conversation to learn how I can help you.

New! Join the 4 month Fall Motivated to Marry™ Tele-Coaching Group starting 9/20 at 9 pm EST. Limited spaces are available. Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you. Sign up now and save! Perfect for both singles who have never married and for divorced individuals desiring a lasting long-term relationship. Go to www.heartmindconnection.com for more information or email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com. For early bird savings, sign up by September 15th and save $50 on the tele-coaching group!

Stop complaining and get the romantic relationship and the life you have always dreamed of. Reach those goals you say you want to make. Give yourself the gift of personal life coaching – it will last a lifetime! Daytime hours are available during the week from 8 a.m. with my last appointment at 5 p.m. Take action today!

www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html .

Here are some of my testimonials about my coaching:

“Thanks to working with Amy I feel not only supported but empowered to make changes that enhanced my life and those around me.

Amy impressed me with her extensive knowledge on personal and professional matters, as well as, her understanding of people and organizations.” -- Kathleen, Rockville MD (Now in 2 yr LTR)

“Amy has been a life-saver! She helped me clarify my values and to focus on living a more values honored life, especially with regard to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my personal relationships”

-- Paul, Alexandria VA (Married in May 2005)

“Amy focused me on the areas of my life that needed improvement and gave me the tools to reinforce that focus. Together we came up with creative solutions to problems and strategies to accomplish my goals. I highly recommend Amy as a personal life coach for anyone who feels frustrated with the dating world.”

-- Stewart, New York, NY (married August 2006)

“Amy has definitely helped me have more self confidence in myself to go out into the dating world and take more risks.”

-- Sue, Rockville, MD

Article continued from above:

  1. Are you willing to make the compromises to be a “we” instead of a “me”?

Once you find the person you believe to be “the one” are you willing to sacrifice in order to make the relationship work? I have friends who met at a s.ingles weekend - he was from Washington, DC and she was from Boston. The woman moved to DC and found a new job in order to have this relationship work. On the other hand, I had a male friend in New York engaged to a woman in Boston. Neither was willing to move. Needless to say, the marriage never happened.

  1. Are you emotionally available for a relationship? What are the circumstances that make it difficult for you to commit to marriage right now?

Have you moved on from your past divorce or most recent break up? Do you have commitments such as your children, an aging parent or the financial strain of changing careers? One of my clients did not feel comfortable dating until her last child moved out the house when she left for college. Are you truly open for dating and a serious relationship that can lead to marriage?

7. How will you know when you are ready for marriage?

Trust in yourself that you will know when you are ready for marriage.

“When you find that someone special, you just know”, says Stanley, a man in his early forties who just got married. “There is a synergy and a flow!” If you find someone who shares your values and your life goals- then you will just cl.ick with the other person. I have witnessed this time and time again with both my clients and my friends.

Some people just know that they want to be married, and others it takes the right person. Oscar, a man in his mid-thirties, told me , “I never thought about marriage until I met my wife. I just knew she was the right marriage partner for me.”

One thing I’ve noticed is that those who are ready for marriage are tired of the dating merry-go-round. They want some kind of stability in their life. They desire to spend their energies on building a relationship and want to get beyond the “good for now” mindset.

  1. Are you willing to go public with your desire to find a marriage partner or to be married?

Marriage is not a dirty word. I went to a singles event with my Motivated to Marry™ questionnaire and asked several people, “Do you want to take a quiz to see if you are Motivated to Marry™?” They looked at me like deer in the headlights. I figured they were afraid to let others know at a singles event that they were really looking to settle down. (Perhaps they were surprised to be talking to a married woman at a singles event! Yet, dating is my business!)

I tell my clients to be very upfront about their intentions to find a partner for marriage. “Won’t I scare the guy away?” is a question I often am asked. My answer is, “if he is scared to talk about wanting to find someone for marriage, then let him be scared away. The right person will stick around because he is interested in the same thing you are.”

One of my male clients from DC met a woman online in New York. She told my client that she just wanted to be friends. He told her that he has plenty of friends and that he is looking for a marriage partner. This man is clearly ready for a marriage. He is willing to stick to his goal. I commend him for his focus and determination.

So you are the only person who can say if you are ready or not for marriage. It takes giving yourself a very honest assessment. If you ask yourself the above questions, you will get closer to answering the question, “Am I truly ready for marriage?”

To read articles from my previous monthly ezines go to: www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Get Amy’s Expert On-line Dating Profile Review -- Only $99!

Attract the right people to your online dating profile. Improve the number and quality of responses to your profile. I have you fill out an in depth questionnaire to pinpoint what’s really important for you to convey. Remember, you attract what you put out there! Sign up on www.Heartmindconnection.com/profile_review.html

Amy’s review was so helpful! She took the best of me and made me shine! Finally, the kinds of men I want to meet are now contacting me. Thanks Amy!

-- Penny, Reston, VA

What a help Amy has been to me! First, we figured out what online dating sites best for me to put up my profile. And, because of the work we did upfront on my values and goals, and describing me in a truly representative way, the women I am meeting are responding very positively to my inquiries. I am finding that I am meeting more quality women that resonate with me better than my previous attempts with online dating.

-- Joe (54) Rockville, MD

Amy’s terrific! Her suggestions were right on target. I n.ow have included things I hold d.ear and have edited out comments that were in my ad that I now see prevented men from contacting me. The response to my ad has definitely improved.

-- Tania, Silver Springs, MD


Have a question about relationships or how you can get what you truly want and need out of life? www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html

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If you haven’t done so already, sign up for the newsletter, “Heartmind Connections” to receive more articles on dating and relationships like this. As a sign up bonus, you’ll receive the sought after article “18 Personalities to avoid in the Dating Pool”, not offered anywhere but here. www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

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If you enjoyed this newsletter, please pass it along to your friends and associates.

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine? I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com. Please feel free to forward to any of your friends who may be interested in learning more about dating and relationships.

Amy’s Vision:

“As a personal life coach, my goal is to bring you the information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt decisions about the most significant relationship in your life. We all desire our best life possible. My hope is that you find this information helpful and achieve all your life long dreams.”

Amy Schoen, CPCC
Heartmind Connection™
Life Coach and Dating & Relationship Expert
Helping singles discover their best possible lives!
Rockville, Maryland


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How to Get Out There and Date-Again!

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Dating Like A Pro!

Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method

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Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story

Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story