Heartmind Connection - Life Coaching, Dating and Relationship Consulting

Heartmind Connection Chronicles

November 2006

This month's feature article:

How Far Would You Go for True Love?

Quote of the month:  Happiness is not a destination.  It is a method of life.

-- Burton Hills

New!  101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Vol. 2 with John Gray (Men are From Mars…), Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) and yours truly, as co-authors.  It makes a great gift for the holidays for family, friends, associates and clients.  Easy to read with lots of wonderful tidbits to enhance your life.  Go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1583410 and you will get tons of in.credible goodies with your purchase from top self growth authors. 

Now Available!  The Motivated to Marry™ Method Book
Jammed packed with tons of
my Motivated to Marry™ wisdoms
Get your copy now at the insider’s price of
$18.95, regularly $24.95 (25% off the listed price)
Shipping and Maryland tax is additional.

Email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com
for details. Not available in any store.

Go to www.motivatedtomarry.com and take the quiz,” Are You Motivated to Marry?”, peruse the table of contents and get a sneak preview of one of the chapters.

The next Free Motivated to Marry™ Tele-gathering will be November 20th.  The topic is: How to Make to the Best Out of the Holiday Season.

Another holiday season is upon us and you may not looking forward to being alone again this year.  Learn some strategies to have fun, meet new people and make the most of a difficult time of the year for singles.  Come explore with us!

To join a tele-gathering all you have to do is call in to the bridge line provided, add your two cents to our monthly topic, or just listen.  Bring your q.uestions, issues and concerns about dating and relationships- Talk with Amy Schoen, Professional Personal Life Coach and Dating and Relationship Expert.

Tele-gatherings take place on the third Monday of the month at 8 p.m. EST– The following one will be on December 18th.  Mark your calendars and come join us!

Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com under tele-gatherings for the particular month.  (Note: you need to sign up each month for the tele-gathering.  The phone number may change from month to month and handouts may be emailed to participants.)

Don’t miss Amy speaking at the following events in the DC area and New York City this month- These are her last classes in 2007:

Tuesday, November 14th
Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method!
Learning Escapes
Vienna, VA
Contact: www.learningescapes.com

Monday, November 27th at 7 pm
Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method!
Makor Singles/ 92 Street Y
35 West 67th Street, Steinhardt Center, New York City
Contact:  212-601-1000   or www.92Y.org

Do you need a speaker for an event or meeting?  See my current list of speech topics on www.heartmindconnection.com.  New topics are always being added.  For more information contact Amy at 240-498-7803 or coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Amy’s Note: 

Now that Halloween is over, it’s time to focus on Thanksgiving!  The holidays can be a rough time for many singles.  You see all the commercials about happy (perfect) couples and families celebrating the holidays together.  There can be a sense of what’s wrong with me or feeling like you are missing out of an important part of life.  Now is a good time to take st.ock of your life this year and write a list of what you are thankful for.  Perhaps, you are thankful for a wonderful career with great op.portunity and a steady paycheck, or for good friends and family that are there for you, for the chance to travel and see parts of the world or this country, or having your health and being able to do the physical things you love in your life.  It’s important to focus on the things you do have instead of what you don’t have.  That’s the key to happiness! 

Coach Amy Q & A: 

Dear Coach Amy,

For the past few days I have enjoyed an email exchange with a gentleman.  Most of the emails have been exchanges about our professional background, general information about where we live, ect.  

I’m ready to stop wasting time emailing and want to move to the next level that would be talking on the ph.one.  My question for you is what should we talk about and what is an appropriate length of time for the conversation, EVEN if it’s going well.  I think he is going to call tonight.

Cautious Conversationalist

Dear Cautious,

How exciting!  Keep it to no more than a half an hour.  (Tell him that you’d like to talk more but you have an early day tomorrow).  Keep it light. Talk about living in your area, other places he’s lived (What did you like best?) Other topics: about growing up- where?; travel, what’s most fulfilling about your work; and hobbies- what do you do for fun?  Bring your curiosity with you.  Use open ended sentences with “what” and “how” questions.  Avoid “why” questions because they can seem judgmental and may put him on the defensive. 

Don’t talk about divorces or why he is still single.  Focus on him and he should focus on you- the way you are today!

Good luck! Relax and be your charming, positive self.

Coach Amy

Please email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com with any dating and relationship q.uestions you would like advice on. Of course, I will keep your name confidential. If you have questions, others surely have the same questions too! 

Feature Article:

How Far Would You Go for True Love?

Ned was at a singles weekend in Virginia Beach when he met Francie.  There was an easy rapport between them and they hung out most of the weekend.  There was one glitch, Ned lived in Washington, DC and Francie lived on Boston.  Ned was determined to pursue Francie and it turned out the feeling was mutual.  Less than a year later, they were married. 

Mitch was searching on an online dating site where he stumbled upon Laura.  She seemed to be everything he was looking for- although she was working abroad in the Republic of Georgia.  After talking on the ph.one for about 3 months and establishing terrific rapport, they met in Greece for a wonderful week together.  After another six months, Mitch took a sabbatical from work and went to the Republic of Georgia to see if this relationship really had legs.  In the end, Laura came to Washington, DC, where they lived together for a month or two and then decided to split up.

So how far are you willing to go for true love?  What risks will you allow yourself to take?  If you are considering widening your search to stretch national borders and beyond, this is what you need to consider before investing your time, resources and energy in a long distance relationship. 

1. The challenges of a long distance relationship are…

- To stay connected to each other despite the distance.
- To make travel plans: where, when and how often.
- To stay true to the relationship and not love the one you’re with!
- To deal with the hard issues of the relationship when you are together and not treat it like a vacation.
- To not feel lonely and to have a good support system of friends and family.
- To have sufficient time together to really get to know one another. 

2. The pitfalls of a long distance relationship are …

- You miss out on stuff because you can’t be there. (i.e., such as a birthday party of your boyfriend’s friend.)

- You can’t be there if there is an emergency or problem. Penny’s husband’s brother, Ken, was in the army with Desert Storm.  Penny couldn’t be there to comfort him.

- You don’t have enough physical time together to establish a physical connection.  Also, you can’t see their facial expressions.  You may miss the cues in the conversation. 

- You probably won’t see the bad side of the person because he or she can hide it more and be on his/her best behavior.  Mary said, “when you are spending a weekend together, you are not seeing the full context- It’s just not reality”. 

- You are not used to being together physically- you may need time to readjust.  When you do finally get in sync, it’s time to leave again.

- You may be deceived by a person who is really married or hides important information from you concerning either children, or his or her financial situation.

- You may take things the wrong way.  It’s harder to clear up misunderstandings when you don’t see the person face to face.

- You can have a lot of stress very soon in the relationship in terms of making decisions about if you are going to move and the changes you have to make in your life for this person.  The relationship can be very intense.

3. The benefits or gifts of a long distance relationship are…

- With constant communication you really get to know someone well. (Ned and Francie IMing each other every day)

- There is not as much sex.ual pressure in the relationship – the distance allows for you to get to know the person for who they are first. The situation encourages communication.

- You are forced to pace the relationship- you can’t see the person everyday and you need to plan for time together.

- Both parties have to put in effort for the relationship for it to work. It takes teamwork.  You can’t coast h.ere! 

Article continued below:

Learn how to improve your dating skills and relationships with Coach Amy

I have discovered the best way to know what you need and want in a relationship and life overall is through personal life coaching (I have my own life coach too!).  Learn how to attract the right person to you or become clear on whether your current relationship is the right one for you.  

Call me for an exploratory conversation to learn how I can help you. 

New! Join the next 3 month Motivated to Marry™ Tele-Coaching Group held Wednesdays at 9 pm EST.  The next group is being formed n.ow for the end of  January 2007.  Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you plus monthly personal coaching with me.  Sign up n.ow and save!  Perfect for both s.ingles who have n.ever married and for divorced individuals desiring a lasting long-term relationship.   Go to www.heartmindconnection.com/motivatedtomarry-group-gen.html for more information or email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Stop complaining and get the romantic relationship and the life you have always dreamed of.   Reach those goals you say you want to make.  Give yourself the gift of one to one personal life coaching – it will last a l.ifetime!  Daytime hours are available during the week from 8 a.m. with my last appointment at 5 p.m.  Take action today!

www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html .        

Here are some of my testi-monials about my coaching:

“Amy’s coaching helped me clarify my values and solidify my decision making leading me to navigate my own course more successfully both personally and in business. All of that happened in two and a half months.  When I cleared away the almost relationships that I was tolerating, I made room in my life for the person I had always been looking for.  Then, like magic- I found her online.  We are n.ow in a blossoming relationship.” 

-- Ben, Bethesda MD (LTR since March 2006)

“Amy has been a life-saver!  She helped me clarify my values and to focus on living a more values honored life, especially with regard to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my personal relationships”

-- Paul, Alexandria VA (Married in May 2005)

“Amy’s impactful questions dramatically shifted my perspective on marriage and the type of man that would truly make me happy.  This process opened me up to meeting my fiancé.”

                        -- Robin, Bethesda, MD (TBM April 2007)

“Amy focused me on the areas of my life that needed improvement and gave me the tools to reinforce that focus.  Together we came up with creative solutions to problems and strategies to accomplish my goals.  I highly recommend Amy as a personal life coach for anyone who feels frustrated with the dating world.”

-- Stewart, New York, NY (married August 2006) 

“Amy has definitely helped me have more self confidence in myself to go out into the dating world and take more risks.”

                        -- Sue, Rockville, MD


Article continued from above:

4. What needs to be in place for a long distance relationship to work…..

- There has to be an end in sight for the long distance relationship.  Both see a goal of a permanent commitment.

- There needs to be exclusivity and commitment to the relationship.  Trust too!

- There needs to be regular plans to see one another.

- There needs to be frequent communication –at least a couple times during the week (IM, email, phone).

- You need to be prepared to spend the money on travel and phone costs.

- You need to be flexible- to be able to change your schedule, take time off from work, and put in time to focus on the relationship, away from other personal endeavors.

5. The decisions that have to be made for the relationship to work are….

- Do I like this person enough to make the effort of time and m.oney?

- Shall I take this risk?

- How often shall we see each other?  What would be the length of stay?  Where shall I stay?

- Who will move?  Whose job is transferable? (i.e., a lawyer may need to retake the bar in the new state).  When shall I move?

- When shall we get engaged?  Do I need to be engaged to move?

6. Possible roadblocks to a long distance relationship are….

- One party only communicates via emails and shows no desire to get to the next level such as phone and in person contact.

- One party is not willing to engage in a long distance relationship for too long.

- Someone has a demanding job with travel that doesn’t allow for much time to visit the other one.

- There is a major language barrier which makes communication difficult.

- One person or both have children so they are not able to relocate.   

- There are immigration issues due to an international romance.

- Neither party wants to leave their family or friends.   

“Clearly, it is easier if you have met the person first, established a relationship before having to deal with a long distance relationship”, says a friend of mine who had a long distance relationship with her husband for over a year before they married.  This sentiment was echoed my many that I interviewed for this article.

“Don’t be short-sighted and keep your focus on the long-term gains”, said Ned, “The payoff can be big as was in my case!” So you see, expanding your horizons beyond your local area can bring you your true love.  Are you willing to risk the adventure?

To read articles from my previous monthly ezines go to: www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Get Amy’s Expert On-line Dating Profile Review -- Only $99!

Attract the right people to your online dating profile.  Improve the number and quality of responses to your profile.  I have you fill out an in depth questionnaire to pinpoint what’s really important for you to convey.  Remember, you attract what you put out there!  Sign up on www.Heartmindconnection.com/profile_review.html

Amy’s review was so helpful!  She took the best of me and made me shine!  Finally, the kinds of men I want to meet are now contacting me.  Thanks Amy!

-- Penny, Reston, VA

What a help Amy has been to me! First, we figured out what online dating sites best for me to put up my profile. And, because of the work we did upfront on my values and goals, and describing me in a truly representative way, the women I am meeting are responding very positively to my inquiries.  I am finding that I am meeting more quality women that resonate with me better than my previous attempts with online dating.

-- Joe (54) Rockville, MD

Amy’s terrific!  Her suggestions were right on target.  I n.ow have included things I hold d.ear and have edited out comments that were in my ad that I n.ow see prevented men from contacting me. The response to my ad has definitely improved.

-- Tania, Silver Springs, MD


Have a question about relationships or how you can get what you truly want and need out of life? www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html

Get Dating and Relationship Tips

If you haven’t done so already, sign up for the newsletter, “Heartmind Connections” to receive more articles on dating and relationships like this.  As a sign up bonus, you’ll receive the sought after article “18 Personalities to avoid in the Dating Pool”, not offered anywhere but h.ere. www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Help your Friends/Help Yourself:

I’ll be happy to send them my “Heartmind Connections” e-newsletter.  Send them a note about this e-newsletter at www.heartmindconnection.com/tell_a_friend.html  so they too can discover their best possible life!  Then you will get my popular MP3:“He Said-She Said Teleclass on Dating” as a thank you.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, please pass it along to your friends and associates.

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine? I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com. Please feel f.ree to forward to any of your friends who may be interested in learning more about dating and relationships.

Amy’s Vision:

“As a personal life coach, my goal is to bring you the information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt decisions about the most significant relationship in your life. We all desire our best life possible. My hope is that you find this information helpful and achieve all your life long dreams.”

Amy Schoen, CPCC
Heartmind Connection™
Life Coach and Dating & Relationship Expert
Helping singles discover their best possible lives!
Rockville, Maryland

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Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story

Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story