Heartmind Connection - Life Coaching, Dating and Relationship Consulting

Heartmind Connection Chronicles

March 2007

This month's feature article: To Date that Person or not to Date that Person - that is the Question!

Quote of the month:

"When you live your life aligned closely with your values, you attract who and what you want in life."

                                                         -- Amy Schoen

Now Available!  The Motivated to Marry™ Method Book
Jammed packed with tons of
my Motivated to Marry™ wisdoms
Get your copy now at the insider’s price of
$18.95, regularly $24.95 (25% off the listed price)
Shipping and Maryland tax is additional.
Email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com
for details. Not available in any store.

Go to www.motivatedtomarry.com and take the quiz,” Are You Motivated to Marry?”, peruse the table of contents and get a sneak preview of one of the chapters.

The next F.ree Motivated to Marry™ Tele-gathering will be March 19th at 9 pm: How to be More Romantic and Successful in Dating and Relationships!

-- Featuring Special Guest- Kevin Decker, Host of Inside Romance Success Radio and Author of “Romantic Antics”.

Are you feeling frustrated because the long winter has cooled off your dating? Now’s the time to heat things up for spring! Listen in on our next tele-gathering and learn how you can fuel the fire with romance. I’ll be interviewing Kevin Decker, host of the Inside Romance Success radio show and Author of the Amazon.com Love & Romance Bestseller “Romantic Antics”. He will teach you the basics for adding this spice to your dating life and help you set your relationships ablaze! Email me your qu.estions about how you can be more romantic so we can pass them on to Kevin.

Let’s explore the world of romance together!

To join a tele-gathering all you have to do is call in to the bridge line provided, add your two cents to our monthly topic, or just listen.  Bring your q.uestions, issues and concerns about dating and relationships- Talk with Amy Schoen, Professional Personal Life Coach and Dating and Relationship Expert.

Tele-gatherings take place on the third Monday of the month at 9 p.m. EST– The following one will be on March 19th.  Mark your calendars and come join us! (Note that the time is 9 pm EST this month.)

Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com under tele-gatherings for the particular month.  (Note: you need to sign up each month for the tele-gathering.  The ph.one number may change from month to month and handouts may be emailed to participants.)

Don’t miss Amy speaking at the following events in the DC area:

I will be speaking at the Women in Business Conference in Rockville, MD on Friday, March 16th. The topic I will be speaking on is Creating Greater Value for your Client Relationships. This conference attracts several hundred women business owners and those who want to network with business owners. For more information go to www.Women-in-Business.org.

Tuesday, March 27th
Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method!
First Class
Washington, DC
Contact: www.takeaclass.org

Do you need a speaker for an event or meeting?  Amy has been accepted as a member of the prestigious National Speakers Association. See her current list of speech topics on www.heartmindconnection.com.  New topics are always being added.  For more information contact Amy at 240-498-7803 or coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Amy’s Note: 

So February’s gone and you made it through Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you are looking forward towards spring and meeting someone new. The topic of romance n.ever goes out of style. I am trying something new during this month’s tele-gathering by bringing other respected experts to you. My friend, Kevin Decker, a noted author and radio show host is known Romance expert. I thought it would be great to interview him and give you a chance to ask him questions. He will show us how to be more successful at romance. By the way, he will have me as a guest on his radio show on Thursday, March 29th at 4 pm.

My husband and I had a discussion on the topic of romance and we found we had different views. My husband feels romance is best when it is spontaneous, otherwise, it feels “manufactured”. I look at romance as something that is an expression of creativity. It’s creating something out of nothing and is a joyous activity. Yes, it may take some planning and forethought, but the rewards are immense. From a woman’s point of view, we appreciate the effort that our guy takes careful thought to please us. However, men appreciate romantic gestures from us women too!

How can we look at romance as something fun and exciting instead of drudgery and a chore? It’s all about perspective. What’s yours?

Get My Book: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Vol. 2 including authors John Gray (Men are From Mars…), Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) and yours truly, as co-authors.  There are easy to read short chapters and lots of wonderful tidbits to enhance your life.  Only $14.95. Go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1583410 and you will get tons of in.credible goodies with your purchase from top self-growth authors.  

Coach Amy Q & A: 

Dear Coach Amy,

I’m a 45 year old divorced dad that is getting out there and meeting several women to date. It can get really expensive to shell out all this m.oney on dating. I don’t mind spending m.oney when I really like a woman, but I don’t want to blow all my limited disposable in.come on woman I am not sure that will work out. What do you suggest?

-- Prudent in Providence

D.ear Prudent,

Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. There are many ways to have nice, fun inexpensive dates especially in the beginning when you are getting to know someone. We all know about the usual “coffee date” to check out someone that you may have met online or that is a blind date. That of course this is the minimal investment of time and m.oney. Also, in those cases, the bill may be split depending on the level of interest. I do believe a man should offer to pay if he is interested in a second date.

It’s the second date where you can get crazy. Find out what kind of activities the woman enjoys. If she is an active person, then a walk along a river or canal or a short city hike with a stop for a snack can be a wonderful way to get to know someone. Perhaps even a bike ride or a boat ride could be fun. Make sure you are able to have a conversation while doing the activity or exercise. If the woman is more culturally oriented, then a trip to a museum or a fr.ee concert or theatre makes an inexpensive date. In Washington, DC we are fortunate since the Smithsonian museums are fr.ee. We also have various fr.ee music venues around the area. Check your local paper for such activities. When the weather is nice, you can bring a picnic which can be really romantic!

Most important is to spend time getting to know someone and see if you are interested in getting to know them further. Make sure that you have time for conversation and are in a place that is easy to focus on one another with little distraction. All you need is a little creativity and not a big wallet!

Coach Amy 

Please email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com with any dating and relationship q.uestions you would like advice on.  Of course, I will keep your name confidential.  If you have q.uestions, others surely have the same q.uestions too!  

Feature Article:

To Date that Person or not to Date – That is the Question!

Your time is precious. When you first go out with a person you have no idea where it may lead or if it may lead anywhere at all. How do you decide to date further or move on to someone else? Do you find yourself to be too picky or not discerning enough? And, when do you decide to stop dating others and focus on one man or woman only? This we will explore in this article.

  1. What do you judge a first date on?

Among the many things we look for, there are really only 3 things that you may evaluate someone on a first date:

    1. Do I feel comfortable with the person?

    2. Am I attracted to this person?

    3. Does the conversation flow easily?

That’s it! If you answered yes to all three, I suggest you go out another time. There is so much to learn. Also, someone may not be at their best or be very nervous on a first date. So give that person a second date unless there was no attraction whatsoever.

  1. How do you know it is time to leave a relationship and move on?

    1. You are not getting what you need: If you feel needy and there is something missing then that’s a sign that something is not working for you. Can you put your finger on it?

      For instance, a client desired that the guy she was dating would show that he was thinking of her during his work week by contacting her by either an email or a ph.one call and that this contact wasn’t only related to setting up the date for the weekend. She felt that this should come naturally to him and would demonstrate to her that the relationship was progressing forward. Since he n.ever was able to give her what she needed, she wasn’t able to feel connected to him and they stopped dating

    1. Personal boundaries have been ignored.

    Here are some examples of some personal boundaries that may get overstepped:

      1. He gets too physical too early

      2. She wants to get involved with your kids right away.

      3. He wants to see you everyday!

        This is the place to pay attention if something feels uncomfortable to you. Try and get a sense of your personal boundaries and stick to them!
    1. You find you have different reasons for dating and your life goals are different. For example:

      1. You want marriage and he doesn’t

      2. He wants a family and you don’t

      3. She is open to adoption and he isn’t

      4. You live in different cities and neither is willing to move.

    1. There is a non-negotiable or” must have” that you can’t live with. For instance, he wants a clean, neat house and you are comfortable in a house full of clutter. She drinks quite a lot and you don’t drink at all. Here you see the writing on the wall…that it is impossible for you to be happy together for the long haul!

It’s important to know your top “must haves” for a relationship. This helps you screen out inappropriate dates early on while dating.

    1. Your key relationship values are not aligned.

      You value kindness and generosity, and you find your date is stingy and cheap. Or, you value open and honest communication and your partner keeps things from you and can’t communicate openly. It is critical that you share your core values with your life partner.
    1. Respect has been lost or never was there:

      Here are some examples of disrespectful behavior:
      1. She criticizes you

      2. He screams obscenities at you.

      3. A woman harps on a man because he is not working. One client had an issue with a man who didn’t have any retirement savings and down deep felt he was irresponsible. Although he was a very nice person, his relationship did not last because she did not respect him and they didn’t share this value around m.oney.

Article continued below:

Learn how to improve your dating skills and relationships with Coach Amy

I have discovered the best way to know what you need and want in a relationship and life overall is through personal life coaching (I have my own life coach too!).  Learn how to attract the right person to you or become clear on whether your current relationship is the right one for you.  

Call me for an exploratory conversation to learn how I can help you. 

New! Join the next 3 month Motivated to Marry™ Tele-Coaching Group held Wednesdays at 9 pm EST.  The next group is being formed n.ow for the end of January 2007.  Sign up before January 25th and get $50 off your first month of coaching. Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you plus monthly personal coaching with me.  Perfect for both s.ingles who have n.ever married and for divorced individuals desiring a lasting long-term relationship.   Go to www.heartmindconnection.com/motivatedtomarry-group-gen.html for more information or email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Stop complaining and get the romantic relationship and the life you have always dreamed of.   Reach those goals you say you want to make.  Give yourself the gift of one to one personal life coaching – it will last a l.ifetime!  Daytime hours are available during the week from 8 a.m. with my last appointment at 5 p.m.  I am like a personal trainer for your life. I challenge my clients to reach and exceed their goals. Take action today!

www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html .

H.ere are some of my testi-monials about my coaching:

“With Amy’s coaching, I accomplished more in a half month’s time than a half year’s time in Therapy! I was able to put to use immediately the insights and knowledge that I had gained from our sessions. Now I feel more empowered in dealing with both work and personal relationships. Thanks Amy, you’re the best!” -- Patricia Bethesda, MD

“Amy’s coaching helped me clarify my values and solidify my decision making leading me to navigate my own course more successfully both personally and in business. All of that happened in two and a half months.”  -- Ben, Bethesda MD

“Amy has been a life-saver!  She helped me clarify my values and to focus on living a more values honored life, especially with regard to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my personal relationships”

-- Paul, Alexandria VA (Married in May 2005)

“Amy’s impactful qu.estions dramatically shifted my perspective on marriage and the type of man that would truly make me happy.  This process opened me up to meeting my fiancé.”

-- Robin, Bethesda, MD (engaged to be married April 2007)

“Amy focused me on the areas of my life that needed improvement and gave me the tools to reinforce that focus.  Together we came up with creative solutions to problems and strategies to accomplish my goals.  I highly recommend Amy as a personal life coach for anyone who feels frustrated with the dating world.”

-- Stewart, New York, NY (married August 2006) 

“Amy has definitely helped me have more self confidence in myself to go out into the dating world and take more risks.”

                        -- Sue, Rockville, MD

Article continued from above:

  1. Think about what doesn’t feel right to you in the relationship?

    1. Love may not be expressed in a way that you need. For example, you enjoy public displays of affection and the guy just doesn’t do PDA!

    2. He wants to spend all his free time with you and you enjoy spending time with your friends as well.

    3. She really doesn’t want to hang out with your kids.

Be willing to express what you need and want from the other person. Many are afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship and leave the relationship. They don’t give their date a chance to step up to the plate and honor their request.

  1. Make some decisions on how long is it acceptable for you:

    1. To date someone before expecting to be exclusive?

    2. To consider living together or not?

    3. To be in a relationship exclusively before expecting a more serious commitment or engagement?

Be careful not to get stuck in an “almost” relationship. They are almost right, but not quite. These relationships are dangerous because they can fritter away years before you decide that this person is not good for you for the long haul. Pay close attention to what doesn’t mesh for you in your relationship.

Of course, no relationship is perfect. They all take some work and compromise. If you feel like you need something from the relationship, then I encourage you to discuss it with your partner. How he or she listens and responds back to you will demonstrate whether the two of you can work together in support of each other’s happiness. It’s important not to compromise on what is most important to you. If you can’t satisfy each other’s needs and desires, then it probably time to move on to someone who can!

To read articles from my previous monthly ezines go to: www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Get Amy’s Expert On-line Dating Profile Review -- Only $99!

Attract the right people to your online dating profile.  Improve the number and quality of responses to your profile.  I have you fill out an in depth questionnaire to pinpoint what’s really important for you to convey.  Remember, you attract what you put out there!  Sign up on www.Heartmindconnection.com/profile_review.html

Amy’s review was so helpful!  She took the best of me and made me shine!  Finally, the kinds of men I want to meet are now contacting me.  Thanks Amy!

-- Penny, Reston, VA

What a help Amy has been to me! First, we figured out what online dating sites best for me to put up my profile. And, because of the work we did upfront on my values and goals, and describing me in a truly representative way, the women I am meeting are responding very positively to my inquiries.  I am finding that I am meeting more quality women that resonate with me better than my previous attempts with online dating.

-- Joe (54) Rockville, MD

Amy’s terrific!  Her suggestions were right on target.  I now have included things I hold d.ear and have edited out comments that were in my ad that I now see prevented men from contacting me. The response to my ad has definitely improved.

-- Tania, Silver Springs, MD


Have a question about relationships or how you can get what you truly want and need out of life? www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html

Get Dating and Relationship Tips

If you haven’t done so already, sign up for the newsletter, “Heartmind Connections” to receive more articles on dating and relationships like this.  As a sign up bonus, you’ll receive the sought after article “18 Personalities to avoid in the Dating Pool”, not offered anywhere but h.ere. www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Help your Friends/Help Yourself:

I’ll be happy to send them my “Heartmind Connections” e-newsletter.  Send them a note about this e-newsletter at www.heartmindconnection.com/tell_a_friend.html  so they too can discover their best possible life!  Then you will get my popular MP3:“He Said-She Said Teleclass on Dating” as a thank you.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, please pass it along to your friends and associates.

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine?  I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.  Please feel f.ree to forward to any of your friends who may be interested in learning more about dating and relationships.

Amy’s Vision:

“As a personal life coach, my goal is to bring you the information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt decisions about the most significant relationship in your life. We all desire our best life possible. My hope is that you find this information helpful and achieve all your life long dreams.”

Amy Schoen, CPCC
Heartmind Connection™
Life Coach and Dating & Relationship Expert
Helping singles discover their best possible lives!
Rockville, Maryland

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Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method

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Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story

Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story