Heartmind Connection - Life Coaching, Dating and Relationship Consulting

Heartmind Connection Chronicles

January 2007

This month's feature article: The Pros and Cons of Speed Dating

Quote of the month:

People talk about “finding” their lives. In reality, your life is not something you find—it’s something you create.

                                                            -- David Phillips

Start off the New Year with some great wisdom!  101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Vol. 2 with John Gray (Men are From Mars…), Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) and yours truly, as co-authors.  There are easy to read short chapters and lots of wonderful tidbits to enhance anyone’s life.  Go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1583410 and you will get tons of in.credible goodies with your purchase from top self-growth authors.  

Now Available!  The Motivated to Marry™ Method Book
Jammed packed with tons of
my Motivated to Marry™ wisdoms
Get your copy now at the insider’s price of
$18.95, regularly $24.95 (25% off the listed price)
Shipping and Maryland tax is additional.
Email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com
for details. Not available in any store.

Go to www.motivatedtomarry.com and take the quiz,” Are You Motivated to Marry?”, peruse the table of contents and get a sneak preview of one of the chapters.

The next F.ree Motivated to Marry™ Tele-gathering will be January 22nd .  

Back by popular demand! S.ingles: Learn about the Motivated to Marry™ Method to Dating for 2007

It’s time to set up some New Years Resolution for 2007. To attract the right person into your life, it’s all about setting up your desired intentions. Learn about how the Motivated to Marry™ Method for dating can help you make 2007 the year you find that someone special. Join us and explore!

To join a tele-gathering all you have to do is call in to the bridge line provided, add your two cents to our monthly topic, or just listen.  Bring your q.uestions, issues and concerns about dating and relationships- Talk with Amy Schoen, Professional Personal Life Coach and Dating and Relationship Expert.

Tele-gatherings take place on the third Monday of the month at 8 p.m. EST– The following one will be on February 19th.  Mark your calendars and come join us!

Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com under tele-gatherings for the particular month.  (Note: you need to sign up each month for the tele-gathering.  The ph.one number may change from month to month and handouts may be emailed to participants.)

Don’t miss Amy speaking at the following events in the DC area:        

Tuesday, January 30th
Dating Like a Pro!!
Learning Escapes
Vienna, VA
Contact: www.learningescapes.com

Tuesday, February 6th
Dating Like a Pro!
First Class
Washington, DC
Contact: www.Takeaclass.org

Do you need a speaker for an event or meeting?  Amy has been accepted as a member of the prestigious National Speakers Association. See her current list of speech topics on www.heartmindconnection.com.  New topics are always being added.  For more information contact Amy at 240-498-7803 or coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Amy’s Note: 

It’s a New Year! Resolutions have been made. I know I made some for myself. How will you keep them? You can find a friend that you can share your resolutions and help each other stay accountable. Do you have an associate at work that can help you stay on track? For me, my coach is the best resource I have. I set goals and periodically check to see how I’m doing with my progress. That’s what I do with my clients. For those in my tele-coaching group, the check in process each week helped keep my clients move their goals forward. It’s still not too late to sign up for the winter Motivated to Marry™ Tele-coaching Group. It’s really for anyone who wants to work on being intentional about bringing the right romantic relationship into their lives- whether or not your goal is marriage. Whatever you decide, I suggest you put a reminder in your calendar to check in with yourself monthly to see how you are doing with regards to your top goals. Good intentions (instead of luck). Have a happy and healthy New Year!

Congratulations to Nathan and Debbie and Robin and Daniel for your upcoming marriages in spring of 2007!

It’s not too late to start off the New Year with some great wisdom!  101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Vol. 2 with John Gray (Men are From Mars…), Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) and yours truly, as co-authors.  There are easy to read short chapters and lots of wonderful tidbits to enhance your life.  Go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1583410 and you will get tons of in.credible goodies with your purchase from top self-growth authors.  

Coach Amy Q & A: 

Dear Coach Amy,

I have been dating a man for a couple of weeks. When we get together mostly on the weekends, we have a great time. However, I rarely hear from him during the week. We both have demanding jobs, and yet, it would be great to have some other communication during the week besides the set up the date ph.one call. An email just to say hi or a ph.one call to see how I’m doing is what I would like. Not hearing from him prevents me from feeling connected to him. I’m not sure where this relationship is going or if I want it to even continue. My initial reaction is “I shouldn’t have to ask, it should come naturally.” What should I do?

Ambivalent in Albany

Dear Ambivalent,

The first question I want to ask you is: What do you want? Do you want to get closer with this gentleman or are you ready to bail? Let me assume the first scenario. If you want to see if this relationship can become more, then I suggest you employ the relationship skill of making requests. People can’t read your mind even if you would like them to. Perhaps it’s time to have a conversation around, ”I really like you and would like to become closer to you. I really like it when a guy calls me or emails me for no reason other to say that he is thinking of me.” Here you have spelled out specifically what makes you happy. Yes, it’s risky- however, if you do this and he steps up to the plate, then, you see that he really cares about your happiness and would like to accommodate you. If he can’t do this reasonable request, then, what other requests will he not be willing to honor? You will also get a clear picture about the future (or lack of future) of this relationship.

The second question I’d like to know is: What does this man want in terms of a relationship? Perhaps he likes a weekend girlfriend that meets his needs and really doesn’t want more of a commitment. Ask yourself, “What is my goal in dating?” If you want more than weekend dates, then you need to let this man know what you are looking for. Communication is the key in any relationship. It’s about setting out your expectations and seeing if they match your potential partner. It takes guts. But the sooner you communicate your needs, the sooner you will get an answer about the direction of the relationship. This will bold move will give you the information you need to see if you want to stay in this relationship or move on to someone who can give you what you need if he doesn’t respond positively.

Coach Amy 

Please email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com with any dating and relationship q.uestions you would like advice on.  Of course, I will keep your name confidential.  If you have q.uestions, others surely have the same q.uestions too!  

Feature Article:

The Pros and Cons of Speed Dating

So you’ve decided it’s time to get out there and meet new people to date. You look at your options and stumble upon a speed dating event in your area that looks interesting. What do you need to consider before you decide to take advantage of this op.portunity? Is this really the right venue for you to meet someone?

Let me give you a bit of a set up: Most speed dating organizations organize the event by age groups, interests, even religions. You arrive at a bar, restaurant or community center with about 2 dozen other singles — half women and half men. You sign in and are given a number and a card for taking notes about the people you meet.

Pairs are assigned and you find the person for which you will begin with. Different organizations have different time limits. The time to spend together can range from 2 minutes to 10 minutes. After the first round, you move onto subsequent rounds with a new partner. If you are interested in someone, you put their number on the card.

By the end, if both people like each other and put each other’s numbers down on the card submitted to the organizers, then they receive each other’s contact information so they can meet outside the event. However, if one person puts down an individual and that person doesn’t reciprocate, then no contact information is given out.

Below are some Pros and Cons to consider so you will be aware of what you may be facing in this kind of dating prospect venue:

Cons of Speed Dating:

  1. How you decide to meet someone is based on superficial stuff — it’s only natural to judge someone on looks and first impressions. You may be turned off right away and then not make any effort reach deeper to get to know someone’s inner soul.

  2. If you know that you have no interest in someone, you still have to spend the rest of the time talking to him or her. This can be torturous — especially if your partner has no conversational skills. Minutes can seem like hours!

  3. You have to subject yourself to rejection. What if you like someone and they don’t like you back? Speed dating is not for the thin-skinned person. Your inner critic will have a field day if no one picks you.

  4. There may be a cute guy across the room (okay, we can’t help being superficial!) and you are never paired up with him because of time constraints. You may never get a chance to meet him. It seems like the stars are conspiring against you and there was a major op.portunity lost.

  5. No connections were made; you feel like the evening was a waste of time and wish that you stayed home that night watching Gray’s Anatomy!

Yes, speed dating can be a disappointment ... but the good news is that there have been successful meetings at these events. I know a married couple who met this way. I also have had clients meet nice people to date. Here is the positive side of speed dating:

Article continued below:

Learn how to improve your dating skills and relationships with Coach Amy

I have discovered the best way to know what you need and want in a relationship and life overall is through personal life coaching (I have my own life coach too!).  Learn how to attract the right person to you or become clear on whether your current relationship is the right one for you.  

Call me for an exploratory conversation to learn how I can help you. 

New! Join the next 3 month Motivated to Marry™ Tele-Coaching Group held Wednesdays at 9 pm EST.  The next group is being formed n.ow for the end of January 2007.  Sign up before January 25th and get $50 off your first month of coaching. Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you plus monthly personal coaching with me.  Perfect for both s.ingles who have n.ever married and for divorced individuals desiring a lasting long-term relationship.   Go to www.heartmindconnection.com/motivatedtomarry-group-gen.html for more information or email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Stop complaining and get the romantic relationship and the life you have always dreamed of.   Reach those goals you say you want to make.  Give yourself the gift of one to one personal life coaching – it will last a l.ifetime!  Daytime hours are available during the week from 8 a.m. with my last appointment at 5 p.m.  I am like a personal trainer for your life. I challenge my clients to reach and exceed their goals. Take action today!

www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html .

H.ere are some of my testi-monials about my coaching:

“With Amy’s coaching, I accomplished more in a half month’s time than a half year’s time in Therapy! I was able to put to use immediately the insights and knowledge that I had gained from our sessions. Now I feel more empowered in dealing with both work and personal relationships. Thanks Amy, you’re the best!” -- Patricia Bethesda, MD

“Amy’s coaching helped me clarify my values and solidify my decision making leading me to navigate my own course more successfully both personally and in business. All of that happened in two and a half months.”  -- Ben, Bethesda MD

“Amy has been a life-saver!  She helped me clarify my values and to focus on living a more values honored life, especially with regard to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my personal relationships”

-- Paul, Alexandria VA (Married in May 2005)

“Amy’s impactful qu.estions dramatically shifted my perspective on marriage and the type of man that would truly make me happy.  This process opened me up to meeting my fiancé.”

-- Robin, Bethesda, MD (engaged to be married April 2007)

“Amy focused me on the areas of my life that needed improvement and gave me the tools to reinforce that focus.  Together we came up with creative solutions to problems and strategies to accomplish my goals.  I highly recommend Amy as a personal life coach for anyone who feels frustrated with the dating world.”

-- Stewart, New York, NY (married August 2006) 

“Amy has definitely helped me have more self confidence in myself to go out into the dating world and take more risks.”

                        -- Sue, Rockville, MD

Article continued from above:

Pros of Speed Dating:

  1. You get to meet at least a half dozen people who are inclined to give you their undivided attention for the time allotted.

  2. If you sit back and relax, you can get a sense of someone, their demeanor and their essence — whether it’s positive or negative. This is when it’s helpful to know how to read body language.

  3. You know the majority of people are serious about meeting someone to date. Why else would someone subject themselves to this?

  4. You can see if you can carry a conversation with someone. You’ll find out if there are interests in common. You may not meet the love of your life, but you could find a person who could be a life long friend.

  5. You may actually meet someone you like that you would consider dating. Now you’re ahead of where you were when you walked in the door!

To make the most out of your speed dating experience, arrive armed with a few tricks in your back pocket. As a conversation starter, have some generic qu.estions to ask such as about a person’s hobbies, hometown or the type of music they like. Tell a funny story about yourself. Have a glass of water or a soft drink to take a sip from during a pregnant pause. Try to make eye contact and SMILE! When it’s time to “rate your date”, give a thumbs up to anyone you’re on the fence with — speed dating may make a person come across as intimidated or reserved, so consider giving them a second chance if they like you and you think there may be something worth exploring.

Go into speed dating with the spirit of adventure, and leave your expectations at the door. You may just be pleasantly surprised! If you don’t have a successful experience, you can cross this off your list and move onto the many other ways you can meet people to date. If you want suggestions, just check out my Resource webpage on my website at www.heartmindconnection.com/resources.html.

To read articles from my previous monthly ezines go to: www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Get Amy’s Expert On-line Dating Profile Review -- Only $99!

Attract the right people to your online dating profile.  Improve the number and quality of responses to your profile.  I have you fill out an in depth questionnaire to pinpoint what’s really important for you to convey.  Remember, you attract what you put out there!  Sign up on www.Heartmindconnection.com/profile_review.html

Amy’s review was so helpful!  She took the best of me and made me shine!  Finally, the kinds of men I want to meet are now contacting me.  Thanks Amy!

-- Penny, Reston, VA

What a help Amy has been to me! First, we figured out what online dating sites best for me to put up my profile. And, because of the work we did upfront on my values and goals, and describing me in a truly representative way, the women I am meeting are responding very positively to my inquiries.  I am finding that I am meeting more quality women that resonate with me better than my previous attempts with online dating.

-- Joe (54) Rockville, MD

Amy’s terrific!  Her suggestions were right on target.  I now have included things I hold d.ear and have edited out comments that were in my ad that I now see prevented men from contacting me. The response to my ad has definitely improved.

-- Tania, Silver Springs, MD


Have a question about relationships or how you can get what you truly want and need out of life? www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html

Get Dating and Relationship Tips

If you haven’t done so already, sign up for the newsletter, “Heartmind Connections” to receive more articles on dating and relationships like this.  As a sign up bonus, you’ll receive the sought after article “18 Personalities to avoid in the Dating Pool”, not offered anywhere but h.ere. www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Help your Friends/Help Yourself:

I’ll be happy to send them my “Heartmind Connections” e-newsletter.  Send them a note about this e-newsletter at www.heartmindconnection.com/tell_a_friend.html  so they too can discover their best possible life!  Then you will get my popular MP3:“He Said-She Said Teleclass on Dating” as a thank you.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, please pass it along to your friends and associates.

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine?  I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.  Please feel f.ree to forward to any of your friends who may be interested in learning more about dating and relationships.

Amy’s Vision:

“As a personal life coach, my goal is to bring you the information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt decisions about the most significant relationship in your life. We all desire our best life possible. My hope is that you find this information helpful and achieve all your life long dreams.”

Amy Schoen, CPCC
Heartmind Connection™
Life Coach and Dating & Relationship Expert
Helping singles discover their best possible lives!
Rockville, Maryland

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How to Get Out There and Date-Again!

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Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method

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Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story

Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story