Heartmind Connection - Life Coaching, Dating and Relationship Consulting

Heartmind Connection Chronicles

December 2006

This month's feature article:

5 Ways to be a Strategic Dater

Quote of the month:  A dream without a goal is just a wish.
-- Bill Cole

A Gift that Gives You Something Too!  101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Vol. 2 with John Gray (Men are From Mars…), Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) and yours truly, as co-authors.  It makes a great gift for the holidays for family, friends, associates and clients.  Easy to read with short chapters and lots of wonderful tidbits to enhance anyone’s life.  Go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1583410 and you will get tons of in.credible goodies with your purchase from top self-growth authors. 

Now Available!  The Motivated to Marry™ Method Book
Jammed packed with tons of
my Motivated to Marry™ wisdoms
Get your copy now at the insider’s price of
$18.95, regularly $24.95 (25% off the listed price)
Shipping and Maryland tax is additional.
Email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com
for details. Not available in any store.

Go to www.motivatedtomarry.com and take the quiz,” Are You Motivated to Marry?”, peruse the table of contents and get a sneak preview of one of the chapters.

The next Free Motivated to Marry™ Tele-gathering will be November 18th.  

The topic is: Singles: Learn about the Motivated to Marry™ Method to Dating for 2007

It’s time to set up some New Years Resolution for 2007.  To attract the right person into your life, it’s all about setting up your desired intentions.  Learn about how the Motivated to Marry™ Method for dating can help you make 2007 the year you find that someone special.   Join us and explore!  

To join a tele-gathering all you have to do is call in to the bridge line provided, add your two cents to our monthly topic, or just listen.  Bring your questions, issues and concerns about dating and relationships- Talk with Amy Schoen, Professional Personal Life Coach and Dating and Relationship Expert.

Tele-gatherings take place on the third Monday of the month at 8 p.m. EST– The following one will be on December 18th.  Mark your calendars and come join us!

Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com under tele-gatherings for the particular month.  (Note: you need to sign up each month for the tele-gathering.  The ph.one number may change from month to month and handouts may be emailed to participants.)

Don’t miss Amy speaking at the following events in the DC area:

Tuesday, January 30th
Dating Like a Pro!!
Learning Escapes
Vienna, VA
Contact: www.learningescapes.com

Do you need a speaker for an event or meeting?  Amy is now a member of the prestigious National Speakers Association.  See her current list of speech topics on www.heartmindconnection.com.  New topics are always being added.  For more information contact Amy at 240-498-7803 or coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Amy’s Note: 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! It’s hard to believe we are in the home stretch of 2006.  This has been an amazing year for many of my clients and me.  It’s wonderful to see the growth in their confidence in themselves, trying new ways to meet people and opening up themselves to new people and experiences.  There has been a huge impact on both their personal and work life.  It’s truly empowering.  As you think about what you want for yourself for 2007, think about if this is the year you want to see real change and movement in your life.  If it’s the right relationship you seek, you may consider joining my next Motivated to Marry™ tele-coaching group slated to start at the end of January (The next one will start in September 2007).  There is limited space for up to 6 members.  If you want to work on achieving both your personal and professional goals as a holistic system, then my one on one coaching may be for you.  now is the time to reflect on the year past, and set meaningful goals for the coming year.  Make 2007 your most fulfilling year yet! I love to be on the sidelines cheering you on to success.

Coach Amy Q & A: 

Dear Coach Amy,

I am a vibrant 55 year old woman who is divorced.  Although I don’t mind the holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas since I am with my children and grandchildren, New Years Eve is very tough for me.  Do you have any suggestions on how to make the best of a difficult evening? 

- Not Over the Hill Yet.

Dear Not Over the Hill Yet,

The holidays can be a lonely and sad time for many singles even if their family is around. Seeing other couples and families just makes it more evident what you may be missing and yearning for in your life. Think about who are part of your support system?  Do you have other single friends to plan a night out or a nice dinner party at home?

When I was single, I went to parties at my friend’s home.  Those were the best. Personally, I dislike being at New Years parties with a bunch of strangers. Sometimes I went to parties set up for singles with a group of divorced individuals or those set up by my religious institution with a group of my single friends. I actually met nice people at those parties. 

Try to avoid parties and situations where there are mostly couples. You will feel like a 5th wheel. Even going out to dinner with some friends, a late movie and to a neighborhood bar for a midnight toast may suffice for you.  

One of my participants of my last tele-gathering mentioned, her way to cope is to say,”It’s just another day”. She is fine with baby-sitting for her grandchildren to give her kids a night out. Whatever you decide, stay true to what really matters most to you.

Remember, to plan ahead to make sure you will have a fun and comfortable New Years Eve for yourself and to keep your expectations realistic. Besides, January 1st will be here before we know it!

Coach Amy 

Please email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com with any dating and relationship q.uestions you would like advice on.  Of course, I will keep your name confidential.  If you have q.uestions, others surely have the same questions too! 

Feature Article:

5 Ways to be a Strategic Dater

Are you a Strategic Dater?  When you go out to singles event do you 1) stick with your friends 2) hang off by yourself and look like you are available 3) never would be caught at a singles event!  If you answered #2, you are showing yourself to be a Strategic Dater. 

Some people are born with the instinct to prepare and plan for opportunity to strike and others are just clueless of what’s going on around them and wouldn’t see an opportunity if it he accidentally stepped on your foot!  Here are some guidelines on how to be a Strategic Dater:

1. Be clear about what kind of person you want to meet. 

- What are your values?  What is most important to you that you want to share with a partner?   What are your goals in life?  Do you want to date to meet lots of new people or are you looking for a serious relationship?  Are you looking for marriage and a family?

- What interests would you like to share with another person?  For instance, one client has a love of nature and would love to have a partner who also shares this interest. 

- Once you figure out your values and interests, then think about where you would meet people who share these goals and interests.  Back to the example of client who has a love of nature, he could join a hiking club or an outdoors club.  If you value giving back to your community, then go to volunteer activities to meet people who share that passion. 

2. Put yourself in a place where you would have the best chance of success.

- Pick events that are age appropriate.  I have seen 50 year guys go to 20 something events and wonder why they are not successful.  Most of these women are not interested in guys who are their father’s age- unless you are a successful, rich celebrity!

- Go to places where your gender is in the minority.  If you are a woman, go to sports oriented events.  I biked, skied, played tennis, volleyball and softball. I even bowled to meet men!  If you are a man, go to an exercise class which is mostly female- even if you look like a spaz, women will give you cr.edit for trying and being willing to make a fool of yourself!

- Go to places where you will see people repeatedly.  Don’t go to events and places where you see someone once and most likely never again.  You get to know a person better over time.  One client went to a dinner at a church once and saw a woman he was interested in.  However, he never got a chance to talk to her the first time.  Next month he went back to the dinner he made sure he sat next to her.  The third time, the following month, he got up the nerve to ask her out.  now they are married! 

3. Be conscious of your time and use it wisely. 

- Don’t date people who don’t share your values and life goals.  Also, be careful not to date people you think are good for you but you are really not attracted to.  That never works out in the end.  I have a client who is dating someone who he already knows doesn’t share his goal of getting remarried.  He enjoys her company and he feels that it is better than being alone.  He could be spending his time finding someone who wants the same things in life that he does instead of marking time.

- When searching the internet, only meet people who you have screened for their values and life goals.  Make sure you talk on the phone a couple of times before agreeing to meet them.  One client was anxious to meet them and “get it over with”.  She missed the screening process that the ph.one affords.  So she had several bad dates with guys who couldn’t hold a conversation.  Now she has better success with face to face dates since she does her due diligence on the phone.

- When you are meeting someone for the first time and especially, from the internet, keep your date to an hour or two maximum.  I have seen examples of these first dates going several hours and then, the guy never calls or the gal never responds to a call for another date.  Don’t overstay your welcome.  Give the person a taste of who you are about but not the whole enchilada!   

Article continued below:

Learn how to improve your dating skills and relationships with Coach Amy

I have discovered the best way to know what you need and want in a relationship and life overall is through personal life coaching (I have my own life coach too!).  Learn how to attract the right person to you or become clear on whether your current relationship is the right one for you.  

Call me for an exploratory conversation to learn how I can help you. 

New! Join the next 3 month Motivated to Marry™ Tele-Coaching Group held Wednesdays at 9 pm EST.  The next group is being formed now for the end of  January 2007.  Sign up before December 31st and get $100 off your first month of coaching.  Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you plus monthly personal coaching with me.  Perfect for both singles who have never married and for divorced individuals desiring a lasting long-term relationship.   Go to www.heartmindconnection.com/motivatedtomarry-group-gen.html for more information or email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Stop complaining and get the romantic relationship and the life you have always dreamed of.   Reach those goals you say you want to make.  Give yourself the gift of one to one personal life coaching – it will last a l.ifetime!  Daytime hours are available during the week from 8 a.m. with my last appointment at 5 p.m.  I am like a personal trainer for your life.  I challenge my clients to reach and exceed their goals.  Take action today!

www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html .        

Here are some of my testi-monials about my coaching:

“Amy’s coaching helped me clarify my values and solidify my decision making leading me to navigate my own course more successfully both personally and in business. All of that happened in two and a half months.  When I cleared away the almost relationships that I was tolerating, I made room in my life for the person I had always been looking for.  Then, like magic- I found her online.  We are now in a blossoming relationship.” 

-- Ben, Bethesda MD (LTR since March 2006)

“Amy has been a life-saver!  She helped me clarify my values and to focus on living a more values honored life, especially with regard to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my personal relationships”

-- Paul, Alexandria VA (Married in May 2005)

“Amy’s impactful questions dramatically shifted my perspective on marriage and the type of man that would truly make me happy.  This process opened me up to meeting my fiancé.”

-- Robin, Bethesda, MD (engaged to be married April 2007)

“Amy focused me on the areas of my life that needed improvement and gave me the tools to reinforce that focus.  Together we came up with creative solutions to problems and strategies to accomplish my goals.  I highly recommend Amy as a personal life coach for anyone who feels frustrated with the dating world.”

-- Stewart, New York, NY (married August 2006) 

“Amy has definitely helped me have more self confidence in myself to go out into the dating world and take more risks.”

-- Sue, Rockville, MD

Article continued from above:

4. If you want to meet singles, go to singles events and trips.

-Birds of a feather flock together!  When people are interested in meeting someone, they venture out to events where there are other singles.  I know one attractive lady who sticks around her married friends.  She is shy and doesn’t like to be with people she doesn’t know.  Unfortunately, she does not meet men to date since she doesn’t make the effort to get out into the singles world.  I know several people who just went out to a singles e.vent the first time and met their spouses because they pushed themselves to go out and were looking to meet someone!

- There are singles groups for every interest possible! If you play tennis, there’s a tennis singles group in most metropolitan areas.  Golf singles, biking singles, single volunteers, single parents and ect.  All you have to do is search for singles groups in your area. 

- When you think of vacation time, seek a singles group or trip.  Again, there are trips to Europe, Asia, and Africa, as well as in the good ol’ USA.  You can travel by bus, bike or cruise boat.  Or you can go to a Caribbean Island to an all inclusive resort that has singles’ weeks.  There are single ski trips, biking trips and tennis camp weeks.  Forget traveling with your parents this year even if they offer to pay.  Your goal is to meet someone and you can’t do it by hanging out with them!

5. Be open and ready to meet someone anywhere and anytime. 

- You can meet someone on a plane, on a train or the line at the grocery store.  A client recently took a trip to Florida.  Her seatmate was a very nice, eligible man.  They talked all the way down.  He asked for her p.hone number and they are now dating.

- Be dressed and ready to meet someone.  When you go out, try and look your best always.  I’m not suggesting dressed to kill with professional looking makeup.  I was on a singles biking trip when I met my husband.  I always strived to look cute, and put together- and natural looking.  You can look fabulous in a t-shirt and shorts, as well as, a tank top and skirt.

- Project an approachable attitude where you appear open and easy to meet.  Make sure your body language is open, with a smile on your face and your arms not folded across your chest.  If you are a woman at a singles event, don’t stand with a bunch of other woman.  That can be intimidating to men.  Either hang out with only one other woman or off by yourself.   And, if you are at a dance, stand near the dance floor, and look like you would really like to dance!   

Being a Strategic Dater is about knowing what you want, and being intentional about how you go about finding the right romantic relationship for you.  Remember, think before you leap and stay open to the excitement of the opportunities you are creating for yourself.  Go and make some plans!

To read articles from my previous monthly ezines go to: www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Get Amy’s Expert On-line Dating Profile Review -- Only $99!

Attract the right people to your online dating profile.  Improve the number and quality of responses to your profile.  I have you fill out an in depth questionnaire to pinpoint what’s really important for you to convey.  Remember, you attract what you put out there!  Sign up on www.Heartmindconnection.com/profile_review.html

Amy’s review was so helpful!  She took the best of me and made me shine!  Finally, the kinds of men I want to meet are now contacting me.  Thanks Amy!

-- Penny, Reston, VA

What a help Amy has been to me! First, we figured out what online dating sites best for me to put up my profile. And, because of the work we did upfront on my values and goals, and describing me in a truly representative way, the women I am meeting are responding very positively to my inquiries.  I am finding that I am meeting more quality women that resonate with me better than my previous attempts with online dating.

-- Joe (54) Rockville, MD

Amy’s terrific!  Her suggestions were right on target.  I now have included things I hold d.ear and have edited out comments that were in my ad that I now see prevented men from contacting me. The response to my ad has definitely improved.

-- Tania, Silver Springs, MD


Have a question about relationships or how you can get what you truly want and need out of life? www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html

Get Dating and Relationship Tips

If you haven’t done so already, sign up for the newsletter, “Heartmind Connections” to receive more articles on dating and relationships like this.  As a sign up bonus, you’ll receive the sought after article “18 Personalities to avoid in the Dating Pool”, not offered anywhere but h.ere. www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

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If you enjoyed this newsletter, please pass it along to your friends and associates.

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine?  I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.  Please feel f.ree to forward to any of your friends who may be interested in learning more about dating and relationships.

Amy’s Vision:

“As a personal life coach, my goal is to bring you the information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt decisions about the most significant relationship in your life. We all desire our best life possible. My hope is that you find this information helpful and achieve all your life long dreams.”

Amy Schoen, CPCC
Heartmind Connection™
Life Coach and Dating & Relationship Expert
Helping singles discover their best possible lives!
Rockville, Maryland

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Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story

Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story