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Heartmind Connection Chronicles

May 2006

This month's feature article:

Do You Know Your Date’s and Your Expressions of Love?

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine? I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com

For my frustrated friends out there still trying to find “the one”……

Quote of the month: Now is the time to live your ideal life.
--  Cousineau     

                                                                        

New! 4 month Fall Tele-coaching group is now being formed.  Limited spaces are available.  Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you.  Sign up now and save! Groups are being formed for both singles who have never married and for divorced individuals desiring lasting long-term relationships.  Go to www.heartmindconnection.com/motivatedtomarry-group.html for more information.  For early bird savings, sign up by August 15th and save $100 on the tele-coaching group!


Now Available!  The Motivated to Marry™ Method Book
Jammed packed with tons of my Motivated to Marry™ wisdoms
Reserve your copy now at the insider’s price of
$18.95, regularly $24.95 (25% off the listed price)
Shipping and Maryland tax is additional.
Email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com
 For details


The next Free Motivated to Marry™ Tele-gathering will be August 21st  

This month’s call will focus on how to best use online dating websites to find your true love.  What are the do’s and don’ts? What are the strategies that work for men and women?  To join a tele-gathering all you have to do is call in to the bridge line provided, add your two cents to our monthly topic, or just listen.  Bring your questions, issues and concerns about dating and relationships- Talk with Amy Schoen, Professional Personal Life Coach and Dating and Relationship Expert.

Tele-gatherings take place on the third Monday of the month at 8 p.m. EST– The next one will be on September 18th.  Come explore with us!
 
Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com under tele-gatherings for the particular month.  (Note: you need to sign up each month for the tele-gathering.  The phone number may change from month to month and handouts may be emailed to participants.)

Don’t miss Amy speaking at the following events in the DC area:        

Wednesday, August 23rd at 6:30 pm
How to Get Out There and Date-Again!
First Class
Dupont Circle, Washington, DC
Contact: 202-797-5102
www.takeaclass.org
Fee

Wednesday, September 13th at 7:30 p.m.
5 Simple Steps to Creating Your Most Fulfilling Life 
Greater Washington Jewish Community Center
Rockville, MD
Contact:  Selma Sweetbaum, 301-348-3860
SSweetbaum@jccgw.org
Fee

Wednesday, September 19th
Dating Like a Pro!
Learning Escapes
Vienna, VA
Contact: www.learningescapes.com
Fee

Tuesday, September 26th at 6:30 pm
Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method
First Class
Dupont Circle, Washington, DC
Contact: 202-797-5102
www.takeaclass.org
Fee

Do you need a speaker for an event or meeting?  See my current list of speech topics on www.heartmindconnection.com.  New topics are always being added.  For more information contact Amy at 240-498-7803 or coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.

Amy’s Note: 
Summer is time to get out and do fun activities and to take time to travel if you can.  It’s a great way to meet people.  Most of my clients have slowed their Internet activities in the summer.  However, September is a month where people get back to business. So August is a month of preparation!  If you haven’t found your summer love yet, then try a new Internet dating site or revamp your Internet profile and try again!  There are always new people trying to meet people through the Internet.  It’s not the only way to meet people- but it’s another avenue to try and you’ll meet people outside your normal social circles that can seem tired and stale. 

Coach Amy Q & A: 

Dear Coach Amy,

I met a guy who seems very interested in me and I am not at all interested in him.  We don’t have the same interests and goals in life.  I want to settle down and have a family and he is at least ten years older than me and appears to go to a lot of social and active events both during the week and on the weekend.  I hate to be mean to people.  How can I tell him to stop pursuing me?
          - Cathy in Columbia

Dear Cathy,

You hit the nail on the head!  You seem to have different goals in life.  When you talk to people about having differing values and life goals, it gives you a framework from which it is easy to let people down easy.  I would tell him that you appreciate his interest in you; however, you see that the two of you have different goals in life.  Tell him you are focused on finding a marriage partner who wants to settle down and have a family.  Most guys who are not marriage-family minded, will stop asking you out right away and seek less serious prospects.  Don’t be surprised if he says he wants to settle down and have a family as well!  Then you can say, “I don’t see us as a match”- and give him plausible reasons for saying so. 

Please email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com with any dating and relationship questions you would like advice on.  Of course, I will keep your name confidential.  If you have questions, others surely have the same questions too! 


Feature Article:

Do You Know Your Date’s and Your Expressions of Love?

Let me tell you about one of my clients. During our phone coaching sessions we were discussing his upcoming anniversary with his girlfriend of when they met.  He really wanted to make it a special occasion and arranged to take her out for dinner to a very fancy restaurant.  He told me he also planned to bring her flowers, as well. 

I told him that flowers were a beautiful gesture and appropriate, but flowers eventually die.  What women love is jewelry!  When you buy jewelry, you would be buying something she could wear to remind her of you and to show off to her friends.  I told him,” Just imagine her saying, this is what my boyfriend bought me.  Don’t you love it?”  I also told him that it doesn’t have to be expensive.  You can buy her a beautiful sterling silver bracelet or a nice necklace for a very reasonable price that look very substantial. 

He took my advice, and bought here a beautiful sterling silver and onyx necklace and earring set.  He came to our next call and said, “I owe you big! She loved the jewelry I gave her.”   He felt like a hero and I could hear him beaming on the phone!

Clearly, he hit the mark with one of his girlfriend’s expression of love.  

The above story illustrates how some people can express love to one another.  

What makes you feel special and loved by someone close to you?  And how do you express love to the people you care about? 

What we are going to explore in this article doesn’t have to apply to just a l.over, it can be applicable to a close personal friend, a child, and a parent. 

Here are six expressions of love- that helps people feel like they matter to you. 

  1. Validations and Compliments:

    This is expressing what you like about a person or what you admire most.  I had the habit of thinking to myself, “Wow, I really like her outfit.”  It’s no use keeping it to yourself; you need to tell that person what you are thinking.   I realized that when you compliment someone sincerely, you could make his or her day. 

  2. Time Together

    Some couples spend lots of time together.  They spend their free time together and they may even work together.  Others my only spend time together only on the weekends.

    You can have a friendship that requires weekly contact.  Or it may be okay to see someone twice a year and maintain a friendship. Some people need lots of personal time together in order to feel special. Others this may not be as important to them.  Whatever works for both people is the right way.

  3. Helpful Gestures

    Do you like it when others do stuff for you?  Perhaps your girlfriend cooks you your favorite meal.  How about your boyfriend getting your car washed or taken to the dealership for a tune-up?  Perhaps a friend helps you buy a new computer or shop for the right home accessories. 

    Here are some other examples of helpful gestures:

    • A client who has a flexible work schedule and helps his girlfriend out by waiting for the cable guy to fix her computer while she’s at work and she just loves that she feels cared for and special that he offered to do so. 

    • I have a friend that clips newspaper and magazine articles for me that she thinks may be of interest to me.  This is helpful since I don’t have that much time these days to read the paper!
  4. Tokens of Affections

    Do you like to be given gifts?  Is that important for you to feel loved?   
         In my introduction- they necklace and earring set was an example of a
         token of affection. 

My grandmother on my Dad’s side was infamous for bringing us gifts when we were young.  It may be a new doll for me or a match car for my brother.   We were conditioned though to the point where when she came to visit, we would say, “What did you bring us!”  We were became used to getting these tokens of affection from my Grandmother.

Tokens can be big or small.   You can get a friend a bracelet on your vacation to let her know you were thinking of her.  I am appreciative when my husband brings home flowers for no significant reason. 
I like to bring my husband a new shirt as a token of affection.  Okay, I may be tired of seeing him wearing the same old thing! 

Once I got my parents a weekend stay at a very fancy hotel in the Berkshires from an Auction at a fundraiser- and I gave it to them for their anniversary.  They were very appreciative.

Some people really value this and for others it’s no big a deal. 

Article continued below:

Learn how to improve your dating skills and relationships with Coach Amy

I have discovered the best way to know what you need and want in a relationship and life overall is through personal life coaching (I have my own life coach too!).  Learn how to attract the right person to you or become clear on whether your current relationship is the right one for you. 

Call me for an exploratory conversation to learn how I can help you. 

New! 4 month Fall Tele-coaching group is now being formed.  Limited spaces are available.  Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you.  Sign up now and save! Groups are being formed for both singles who have never married and for divorced individuals.  Email me at coachamy@heartmindconnection.com for more information.  For early bird savings, sign up by August 15th and save $100 on the tele-coaching group!

Stop complaining and get the romantic relationship and the life you have always dreamed of.   Reach those goals you say you want to make.  Give yourself the gift of personal life coaching – it will last a lifetime!  Daytime hours are available during the week from 8 a.m. with my last appointment at 5 p.m.  Take action today!
www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html.
          

Here are some of my testimonials about my coaching:

“Thanks to working with Amy I feel not only supported but empowered to make changes that enhanced my life and those around me. 
Amy impressed me with her extensive knowledge on personal and professional matters, as well as, her understanding of people and organizations.”  -- Kathleen, Rockville MD (Now in 2 yr LTR)

“Amy has been a live-saver!  She helped me clarify my values and to focus on living a more values honored life, especially with regard to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my personal relationships”
                        -- Paul, Alexandria VA (Married in 2005)

“Amy focused me on the areas of my life that needed improvement and gave me the tools to reinforce that focus.  Together we came up with creative solutions to problems and strategies to accomplish my goals.  I highly recommend Amy as a personal life coach for anyone who feels frustrated with the dating world.”
-- Stewart, New York, NY (Engaged to be married
           August 2006) 

“Amy has definitely helped me have more self confidence in myself to go out into the dating world and take more risks.”
                        -- Sue, Rockville, MD

 

Article continued from above:

  1. Physical Connection:

This is the need to have physical touch from another in order to feel loved.  This is a very basic need for some. 

Let me tell you a story about one of my past boyfriends.  Let me say he is a very lovely person- but we were not a good fit overall!

     This boyfriend was in his late 30’s and had a problem with harmless
     public displays of affection such as giving a quick kiss hello or holding
     hands.  A good example of this is when I met him for lunch at an empty
     Thai restaurant where we were the only patrons there.  He was
     uncomfortable to kiss me hello because the wait staff may see it!  I had
     no problem with showing my physical affection for him in public, if you
     could call this a public. Clearly we had different expectations and
     comfort level on this matter! 

Some people are touchy people and really thrive with a lot of physical contact and some are not.   The Latin Americans will kiss you on both cheeks and the women hold hands.  So it depends on your culture and your upbringing. 

  1. Being there for the Tough Times

Having your close friends or significant other being there for you in bad times as well as good may be a deal breaker for you in a relationship.  Will they visit you in the hospital if you are sick or had a horrible accident?  Will your steady boyfriend support you emotionally and perhaps financially if you were laid off?   Do you understand that someone is busy and can’t be there for you or would you just write them off? 

  I was dating Alan for 3 months and we had just become exclusive.  We had visited Alan’s sisters in New Jersey and then gone into New York City.  Alan had flown back to DC on the evening of September 10th, 2001.  I was staying in the city for business for another day.  My Mother who lived on Long Island, New York was on travel in London!

 Alan became my lifeline during September 11th.  We were in constant contact by cell phone until the cells went down.  Then we were in contact by email by using the business’ computers.  He helped me find a friend to take care of my cat since I could not get home that evening or phone anyone.  I couldn’t get through to Amtrak, and Alan helped me find out if the trains were running or not.  He was there to pick me up when I returned to DC since I was planning on flying home.  It was then I knew that I could count on him!

So how does this work?

If you don’t get love expressed in the manner to which you expect and need, you will feel something lacking in the relationship.  You may feel “needy”.
You definitely won’t feel loved.  You will wonder why you are sticking around with this person.

So how does this affect your life and your choices of a mate? 

It’s no accident that I fall for helpful men that flatter!  Add a little affection, and I’m all mush!  My expressions of love did make me more vulnerable to being manipulated by men whose intentions were not sincere.

So you see this stuff can be great or it can be dangerous too!  When dating I had to recognize my needs (some call weaknesses) and adjust my expectations for someone who would be a better match for me with the right values and life goals. 
So you may need one expression of love above all to feel loved, or a combination of several like me!  Maybe that’s where the term high maintenance comes from!

How would you like love to be expressed to you? 

From those you are closest with, are you getting what you need to feel loved? 

If you are, then tell those people how much you appreciate having them in your life and what they do that really makes you feel special.  Everyone appreciates hearing that!

If not, I encourage you to have a heartfelt conversation with your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, partner, son, daughter or other significant people in your life about how you would like love expressed to you.  Give them specific suggestions to make it easy for them to give you what you need. 

My husband and I sat down and wrote 10 things that make us feel loved separately and then exchanged it with each other.  That way, it came from both sides equally and we don’t have to make any assumptions.  We both were open to each other’s suggestions as a way to enhance our relationship.

When your “loved ones” express love to you in the manner that resonates with you, you will truly feel loved.  It’s the best feeling in the world! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

To read articles from my previous monthly ezines go to: www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html
 
Get Amy’s Expert On-line Dating Profile Review -- Only $99!

Attract the right people to your online dating profile.  Improve the number and quality of responses to your profile.  I have you fill out an in depth questionnaire to pinpoint what’s really important for you to convey.  Remember, you attract what you put out there!  Sign up on www.Heartmindconnection.com/profile_review.html
  
Amy’s review was so helpful!  She took the best of me and made me shine!  Finally, the kinds of men I want to meet are now contacting me.  Thanks Amy!
-- Penny, Reston, VA

What a help Amy has been to me! First, we figured out what online dating sites best for me to put up my profile. And, because of the work we did upfront on my values and goals, and describing me in a truly representative way, the women I am meeting are responding very positively to my inquiries.  I am finding that I am meeting more quality women that resonate with me better than my previous attempts with online dating.
                       -- Joe (54) Rockville, MD (In a serious
                          relationship as of April 2006)

 

Amy’s terrific!  Her suggestions were right on target.  I now have included things I hold dear and have edited out comments that were in my ad that I now see prevented men from contacting me. The response to my ad has definitely improved.
-- Tania, Silver Springs, MD

 

Questions?
Have a question about relationships or how you can get what you truly want and need out of life? www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html
 
Get Dating and Relationship Tips
If you haven’t done so already, sign up for the newsletter, “Heartmind Connections” to receive more articles on dating and relationships like this.  As a sign up bonus, you’ll receive the sought after article “18 Personalities to avoid in the Dating Pool”, not offered anywhere but here. www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Help your Friends/Help Yourself:
I’ll be happy to send them my “Heartmind Connections” newsletter.  Send them a note about this newsletter at www.heartmindconnection.com/tell_a_friend.html so they too can discover their best possible life!  Then you will get my popular MP3:“He Said-She Said Teleclass on Dating” as a thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you enjoyed this newsletter, please pass it along to your friends and associates.

Do you enjoy reading the latest monthly Heartmind Connections ezine?  I would love to hear your comments on my ezine and any suggestions you may have for future issues. You may contact me at: coachamy@heartmindconnection.com.  Please feel free to forward to any of your friends who may be interested in learning more about dating and relationships.

Amy’s Vision:
“As a personal life coach, my goal is to bring you the information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt decisions about the most significant relationship in your life.  We all desire our best life possible.  My hope is that you find this information helpful and achieve all your life long dreams.”
 
Amy Schoen, CPCC
Heartmind Connection™
Life Coach and Dating & Relationship Expert
Helping singles discover their best possible lives!

240-498-7803     
Rockville, Maryland   
www.heartmindconnection.com

2006© Heartmind Connection, LLC.  All rights reserved.

Privacy Policy
I don’t rent, trade or sell my newsletter email list to anyone.  You won’t get an unsolicited email as a result of joining this list.

Note: If you want to republish any of my articles from my ezines, please email me your request and where it will be published and I will send you a short bio you can use with it for your site or newsletter.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 


Feature Article:

Where to Find Your Significant Life Partner

My philosophy from a very young age is to go where the guys are.  I was lucky to have an older brother and I used to play tennis, biked, ran track (the girls practiced with the guys) and skied.  I met a lot of guys during that time and always had a boyfriend since the 9th grade because I was active and liked doing what they did.  I met my college boyfriend on the tennis courts of Long Island the summer before I started my freshman year!

The following activities are where women, as a whole, would be in the minority and I recommend them to seek out to meet men: 

  1. Anything related to sports!
    1. As an participant:
      • Bicycling groups
      • Tennis ladders and clinics
      • Ski clubs
      • Running clubs
      • Rollerblading
      • Coed-softball teams or games
      • Coed-volleyball teams or games
      • Racquetball leagues and ladders
      • Golf clubs
      • Kickball teams
      • Ultimate Frisbee
      • Coed Soccer leagues
      • Bowling leagues
      • Working out with weights at the gym
    2. As a spectator:
      • Sports bars with viewing of basketball, football, baseball games. (Especially March madness!)
      • Going to college or professional sports games: baseball, basketball, football, soccer and hockey.
  2. Internet Dating Sites

Since guys see the internet as time and money efficient, this is a good way to connect with guys.  Also, going in chat rooms with any subject you are interested in may be a good way to connect.

  1. For the more intellectually oriented:
    • Bridge groups
    • Chess groups
    • Discussion groups on topic of male interest
  2. For those more politically oriented:
    • Fundraising activities
    • Local politics
    • Rallies and demonstrations
  3. Religious institutions 
    • Religious study classes
    • Weekly services
    • Social events or speakers at your religious institution

Article continued below:


Learn how to improve your relationships with Amy

I have discovered the best way to know what you need and want in a relationship and life overall is through life coaching.  Learn how to attract the right person to you or become clear on whether your current relationship is right for you.  

Call me for an exploratory conversation to learn how I can help you.

New! 4 month Tele-coaching group is now being formed.  Limited spaces are available.  Get affordable coaching and support from others who are in the same boat as you. 

Stop complaining and get the romantic relationship and the life you have always dreamed of.   Give yourself the gift of coaching – it will last a lifetime!  Daytime hours are available during the week.  Take advantage of this opportunity today!
www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html .


Here are some of my testimonials about my coaching:

“Thanks to working with Amy I feel not only supported but empowered to make changes that enhanced my life and those around me.  Amy impressed me with her extensive knowledge on personal and professional matters, as well as, her understanding of people and organizations.”
                        -- Kathleen, Rockville MD (Now in 2 yr LTR)

“Amy has been a live-saver!  She helped me clarify my values and to focus on living a more values honored life, especially with regard to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my personal relationships”
                        -- Paul, Alexandria VA (Married in 2005)

“Amy focused me on the areas of my life that needed improvement and gave me the tools to reinforce that focus.  Together we came up with creative solutions to problems and strategies to accomplish my goals.  I highly recommend Amy for anyone who feels frustrated with the dating world.”
                         -- Stewart, New York, NY  

“Amy has definitely helped me have more self confidence in myself to go out into the dating world and take more risks.”
                        -- Sue, Rockville, MD


Article continued from above:

For men, I recommend you go where the women are mostly likely to be.  Women partake in these various activities and where women usually outnumber men! 

  1. Arts and Crafts classes:
    • Knitting
    • Pottery
    • Fine arts: watercolors and oil painting
    • Jewelry making
  2. Cooking classes
    • Cooking schools
    • County classes
    • Gourmet food demonstrations (i.e. Whole Foods)
  3. Exercise classes
    • Tight and tone classes
    • Yoga
    • Step aerobics
    • Stretch class
    • Kickboxing
    • Pilates
  4. Theatre Groups
  5. Movie groups, ie. the Film Society
  6. The Arts
    • Outdoor concerts
    • Museum events in the evening and weekends
    • Gallery events
    • Craft fairs
  7. Easy hiking groups
  8. Book clubs and discussion groups
  9. Dance classes and dances
  10.  Wine tasting events
  11. College Alumni events
  12. Tour groups: cruises and bus tours, both domestic and international
  13.  Support groups
    • Widows
    • Divorce
    • Never married
  14.  Book signings and authors speaking at book stores
  15. Volunteer organizations

This is by no means a complete list.  I hope I may have given you some new ideas and strategies about how to meet the opposite sex.  Who knows, you may find a new passion in life and a life partner in the process!

Remember to check out my resource webpage at www.heartmindconnection.com/resources.html  for specific groups and more ideas about where to meet people to date.

To read articles from my previous monthly ezines go to: www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html


Amy's Expert On-line Dating Profile Review -- Only $99!

Attract the right people to your online dating profile. Improve the number and quality of responses to your profile. I have you fill out an in depth questionnaire to pinpoint what's really important for you to convey. Remember, you attract what you put out there! Sign up on www.Heartmindconnection.com/profile_review.html

Amy's review was so helpful! She took the best of me and made me shine! Finally, the kinds of men I want to meet are now contacting me. Thanks Amy!

-- Penny, Reston, VA

Wow what a difference! With Amy's assistance, I n.ow present myself in a more positive and active manner. This is so much more attractive to women. Also, Amy urged me to put a more flattering picture on my ad. Now women return my emails!

-- Stan, New York, NY

Amy's terrific! Her suggestions were right on target. I now have included things I hold dear and have edited out comments that were in my ad that I now see prevented men from contacting me. The response to my ad has definitely improved.

-- Tania, Silver Springs, MD


Questions?

Have a question about relationships or how you can get what you truly want and need out of life? www.heartmindconnection.com/coaching_services.html

Get Dating and Relationship Tips

If you haven't done so already, sign up for the newsletter, “Heartmind Connections” to receive more articles on dating and relationships like this. As a sign up bonus, you'll receive the sought after article “18 Personalities to avoid in the Dating Pool”, not offered anywhere but here . www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

Help your Friends/Help Yourself:

I'll be happy to send them my “Heartmind Connections” newsletter. Send them a note about this newsletter at www.heartmindconnection.com/tell_a_friend.html so they too can discover their best possible life! Then you will get my popular MP3: “He Said-She Said Teleclass on Dating” as a thank you.


If you enjoyed this newsletter, please pass it along to your friends and associates.

Amy's Vision:

“As a life coach, my goal is to bring you the information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt decisions about the relationships in your life. We all desire our best life possible. My hope is that you find this information helpful and achieve all your life long dreams.”

Amy Schoen, CPCC
Heartmind Connection™

Life Coaching and Dating & Relationship Consulting
Helping you discover your best possible life!

240-498-7803
Rockville, Maryland
www.heartmindconnection.com

2006© Heartmind Connection, LLC. All rights reserved.

©2006, Amy Schoen, Heartmind Connection, LLC. All Rights Reserved.


 

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How to Get Out There and Date-Again!

5 Simple Steps to Creating Your Most Fulfilling Life

Dating Like A Pro!

Learn to Date the Motivated to Marry™ Method

Email Amy to be your next Guest Speaker.


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Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story

Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story