Heartmind Connection - Life Coaching, Dating and Relationship Consulting

10 Tips on How to Give Yourself the Best Chance for Success on a First Date-Especially if You Have Never Met the Person Before!

by: Amy Schoen

Let's say during the last couple of weeks you have communicated with someone of interest via emails and several telephone conversations. There is obvious “phone chemistry” and there is a mutual interest in meeting each other. You both agree to meet in person -now for the moment of truth!

1.  Visualize Success: Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values, skills, talents, interests and “heart”. Leave all your negative thoughts at home.

2.  Keep Your Expectations in Check: Don't start imagining yourself at the alter with your date. Ask yourself these 3 questions: Do I like the person? Does the conversation flow easily with one another? Is there any kind of attraction? That's it. If you answer yes to these questions, then be open to seeing the person again.

3.  Dress Appropriately for a Date: Be presentable, neat, well-groomed and in casual dress clothes. Don't come in a t-shirt and jeans for men and for women, do not come dressed to kill by looking overly sexy like you are going to a nightclub. Strive to look like the guy or girl next door and someone who would be proper to bring home to their parents.

4. Be Prepared to discuss Five General Topics: Prepare a list of topics such as current events; a subject of personal interest such as your volunteer activities, your work or outside work interests; any books you are reading; any movies you have seen lately and favorite sports to watch or participate in. Do not talk about your divorce or your last boyfriend. If you have children, you may talk about them briefly- do not bore your date with hours of stories about your kids.

5.  Use Your Values as Your Guideposts: Know what's most important to you and look to see if your date has similar feelings. Pay close attention to anything that makes you uncomfortable-your gut is usually right!

6.  Pick a Quiet Place Where You Can Talk: Meeting at a coffee house or a bookstore is best. You may decide to take a stroll if it feels right.

Don't get involved in a meal since paying for the meal may become an issue. Also, don't go to a show or a movie where it's difficult to talk.

7.  Plan on Spending One to Two Hours Max: The purpose is to see the person and to get a feel of a person. It's best not to drag the date on. Besides, you need to leave some stuff to talk about during subsequent dates!

8.  It is Best to Meet During the Day: It is more relaxed to meet in the late morning or afternoon during the weekend. A week day evening is the next best thing. Weekend evenings are too much pressure and feel like a serious date. You may be tempted to do stuff you will later regret!

9.  Always Be Courteous and Kind to Your Date – Even if You are not Interested: You never know where you will see him or her again and who his or her friends are. Always treat people the way you wish to be treated

10.  If all goes well: Women- be open to going out again. Studies have shown that women have gotten married to men that they were not really interested in at first. Men- trust your gut- if you are not attracted- be pleasant and be honest. Never say, “I'll call” and not call!

By following the above tips you will most likely have a more pleasant first date experience. Hopefully, it will lead to future dates if you so desire!

©2005, Amy Schoen, Heartmind Connection, LLC. All Rights Reserved.


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Amy Schoen’s Story

“The coaching work I did was invaluable
in understanding myself, my key values, my life goals and the type of partner who would be my best possible fit...”

Read Amy’s Story